If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She's the barista slut.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
