I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
