We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
