okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
