you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
