I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
