Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
