Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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