piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
