so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize