i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
