it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
