She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
