there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize