alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
