I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
