Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
