Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
