More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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