she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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