Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
