just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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