On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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