my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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