Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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