I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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