You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
