god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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