My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
