Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
