Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
