i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize