Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
