You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
