apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
