but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My vagina is officially offended.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
