so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
