you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
