my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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