Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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