Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
