Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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