You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
