Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
