I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
