I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
