Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
