I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize