i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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