i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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