four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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