Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
