Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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