How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
