marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
