the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
