While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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