its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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