i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
