I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize