Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
