went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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