You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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