I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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