Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
