And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
