if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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