No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
