I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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