you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
