I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize