I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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