just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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