i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Enjoy the penises
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize